Cant believe it was 6 months back since my last update on xanga! Can't denied that I have been through so much of things in barely just 6 months time. Kinda lost I guess.

Well, what I have done in the past 6 months? Hmm.. Basically, it's about work work and work. And, the worst thing is, I think my job is sucks. 

I am sick of my job I guess. But due to my arrogant-ego-self, I couldn't just give up easily, at least not till I become successful.

How about love and relationship wise? Hmm. Still blank. What?! Yes, still blank. Empty. Alright? Oh no.

Sighhhhh. A long sighhh.

There were countless times that I open up the weblog entry page and just couldn't write down any single piece of minds. I was kinda busy lately. There were so many things I need to think. Yes. It's thinking made me busy. My brain just can't gets any peace of rest.

There are somthing significant happening now. For instance, it almost everyday that my siblings and I were received call from few different banks, chasing after the debt of my father. While my lovely father would just hang out with his friends and alcohols will be his only-forever-company, spending every single night like nothing ever happen. Unfortunately, I am currently working for one of the banks that chasing after my father's debt. The bank knew that I am the daughter of my father and start request me to clear my father's debt with my pay. Well. It seems like I will never have a good prospect with this job again. And, I am not really like to waste my money for that. We are hopeless of my father. Now I only realized that how wise my mother is, decided to leave him behind before his debt kills her.

I am helpless. But it wont stop me to dream big. It might be a crisis to me, but well, I will take it as a challenge. I still have my italian dream ahead and of course, my 25-year-old-promise with besties. I want to make it real. And I believe I could make it happens. Have a little faith on myself please, yeeying.

I am extremely nervous. I cant think of any resolution I suppose to have in 2010. Probably in deep of my heart, I could sense the failure I would encountered and the fear of failure stop me from being what I want to be. Aww. Quite a loneliness filled up my mind and still, I cant help myself to walk on.

I am all on my own. It makes me feel damn bad. Thus, I got my very first resolution on mind, should have someone significant to stay with me for counting down every single scene in 2010. Even though it would comes naturely as destined but well, Ian, one of my buddy reminded me of this: Stay at home and watching tv wouldnt give u chances to meet nice guy. White horse prince definitely would not fall down from sky and hit directly on your face. Uh huh. I am helpless and cant help myself being nervous of unforeseen future.

There is one thing that I am absofuckinglutely sure is, I wanna get my salary double up in 2010. It will be a tough year ahead but well, I cant realize my dream without money. Therefore, I am desperately getting more money. No money, no future.

Lastly, an advise for myself, Dream BIG!

Everybody must have a dream, a dream to carry on.

wrote on 1 of Jan 2010, 1110am.